Times are changing. It seems that twenty years ago, bisexuality was the almost acceptable face of homosexuality. Today, as attitudes towards homosexuality have improved, paradoxically, attitudes towards bisexuality appear to have become somewhat blurred.

This is a point that 22-year-old Steve is all too aware of. "I really don`t think any of my friends really understand what it means for me to be bisexual. They all smile and say the right things, but sometimes you can just tell that they just don`t know what to make of it." He adds that, "I`m sure that if I were gay then there would be no problem - they`d quite like the idea of having a gay friend, but this just confuses them". Steve’s bisexuality clearly makes it harder for others to pigeon-hole him.

Friends aren`t the only ones who just don`t understand, parents can be harder still, Steve explains. "My mum thinks I`m gay - I`ve never actually come out to her, she just seems to assume I am, and I can never quite find the words to tell her that actually I`m not."

Like Steve, 27-year-old John hasn`t yet come out to his parents, but for very different reasons. "My parents aren`t what you`d call liberal - if they thought I was gay then I`m sure they`d hit the roof. I think the idea of my being bi would be just a bit too much for them to comprehend - at best they`d write it off as some phase I`m going through, and it’s not like that - this is who I am."

Coming out can be a tumultuous enough experience for anyone, and for many gay men and women, learning to cope with social pressures is a large part of the process. When you are bisexual, the pressures can come from all sides. It’s hardly surprising that many bisexuals come out later in life, and when they do, it can often be all the more complicated, particularly when they are married and have children.

Establishing a circle of like-minded, and supportive friends can also be more difficult later in life. Stephen was married with a young child when he first started to come to terms with his bisexuality. "It was difficult, very difficult. I had a wife and a son, and for years I just told myself that it was a part of me that I couldn`t explore, but you get to the point where you can`t deny it any more."

When Stephen finally broached the subject with his wife, she didn`t know how to deal with it, as he continues. "Neither of us really knew quite what to say to each other, and we just fell apart. It’s taken us a year to get to the point where we can at least be friends."

Many of us take for granted the support that we get from having a circle of like-minded friends, something that is all the more difficult to establish later in life. "It’s been hard, especially being on my own for the first time in twenty years - I`m almost fifty, and when you`re my age you just don`t want to be on your own. But, I`ve started to make a few friends, and build a life for myself again."

But it’s not just `society` that seems unable to comprehend bisexuality - the gay community can be just as guilty of `bi-phobia`, maybe more so. Many gay people are suspicious about bisexuality. One gay man, Tom, relates why this was. “I’d dated girls at college, and before I came out as gay, I thought it might seem more diplomatic to come out as bisexual, so I considered bisexuality as some sort of get-out clause,” he explains.

“But then my first gay sexual experience was with an older bisexual man. He had no reason to be anything other than he claimed to be. It was only then that I took bisexuality seriously. I was prejudiced about bisexuality in the same way that many straight people are about homosexuality, and it took a living example to shake me out of that.”

More commonly there`s a misconception among gay men and women that bisexuals can`t commit to either sex, therefore having a bisexual partner makes a relationship less stable. But this idea is based on insecurity and is an unfair assertion. Serial monogamy is as common among bi men and women, as it is among gay men and women.

David is 25 and bisexual. He says: "I`ve been seeing Rob for about five months, and everything is great. Yeah, I have had relationships with women, and I`m realistic enough to know that I probably will again, but am I really that different from any gay bloke? I`m committed to my boyfriend, and the fact that I`m bi doesn`t have ANY effect on our relationship. The only real difference is when I`m single, and even then, it’s just that I`ve got twice the choice."

The vast majority of bi men and women live happy and fulfilled lives, many of them within the substantial social and support network that exists (see related links). But, maybe it would be all the better if society, and that includes the gay community, would come to the realisation that we are all individuals, and that respecting individuality benefits us all.