Check out the Joseph Fiennes gallery

Homegrown thespians are ten-a-penny in old Blighty, but few are as good-looking as Joseph Fiennes. Gorgeous hazel eyes sheltering by luscious long eyelashes, a toned, lithe body and a perfect home counties accent make the handsome Joe the perfect accessory to take home to mother (or round the back of the bike sheds for a quickie if he were willing).

Name
Joseph Alberic Fiennes (Alberic is German for King of the Elves)

Vitals
Born on 27 May 1970 in Wiltshire

Famous For
There are loads of Fiennes children and Joe has four brothers and two sisters. His most famous sibling is the enigmatic Ralph, of English Patient, fame and they are reportedly highly competitive with each other. Joe feels like he's always being compared to his more successful brother and says, "I am waiting for the one original journalist not to mention him." Nuff said Joe.

Some of Joe's acting choices have been decidedly dubious. Awful Brit gangster flick Rancid Aluminium lived up to its name and Killing Me Softly, where he starred alongside Heather Graham in a story of obsessive love, was crucified by the critics. He fares much better playing classy literary figures where he can wear those silly knickerbockers and frilly ruffs and make the most of his theatrical training at the Young Vic and the National Theatre – not to mention those thighs in tight stockings.

Although some say Shakespeare was homosexual, Joe plays young Will straight as a dye in the hit film Shakespeare in Love. Despite the film's success and Gwynnie's Oscar, Joe seemed to disappear from our screens straight afterwards and went on a Buddhist retreat in Canada when the Oscar buzz was at its highest.

He's most definitely back though as the sexy leading man in a new version of The Merchant of Venice (see what we mean about classy?) alongside Al Pacino. He also and has five films in production for 2005.

Worth Knowing
According to one CV he's a highly skilled jazz dancer, modern dancer, period dancer, tenor, archer, fencer, horse rider and swimmer. No wonder his acting roles are few and far between. When does he find the time? But it’s nice to think he has perfectly formed athletic body….

He's rumoured to play alongside brother Ralph in a film directed by their sister, Martha, called Chromophobia. Apparently chromophobia means the fear of corruption through colour. Ralph plays a gay lawyer who's shagging a cabinet minister and Joe plays the journalist who exposes him. [So no brotherly love then? Ed.]
 
He has a twin brother called Jacob who's a gamekeeper. His grandfather is the intrepid explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes.

Availability
"I don't go for a particular look in a girl - I just wait for their spirit to connect with mine. There's a voice that speaks to me, that rings out from her soul to mine." Wet or what!

Enough of this lily-livered nonsense, act like a man for goodness sake. No wonder you've lurched from one actress girlfriend to another with soppy quotes like that. Totty Watch thinks it's about time Joseph Fiennes was well and truly corrupted. Any takers?

Give Me More
Get in the queue like the rest of us and yes, we know it's hot and  clammy at the back!

Want to suggest a future Totty Watch? Then get in touch!