1) `Lay Lady Lay`, by Bob Dylan. Self explanatory. Brass bed not essential.

2) `She`, by Charles Aznavour and later Elvis Costello. Shameless crooning, especially favoured by "women of a certain age".

3) `Secret Love`, by Kathy Kirby, Doris Day and George Michael, all of whom might have practised what they preached.

4) `Love and Affection`, by Joan Armatrading, who apparently never frequented the scene.

5) `Seventeen`, by Janis Ian. Needn`t be a biffer or a boiler to appreciate.

6) `Constant Craving`, by kd lang. Played compulsively by members of co-dependents anonymous.

7) `I Will Always Love You`, by Dolly Parton, then Whitney Houston. Played compulsively by lesbian stalkers.

8) `In the Middle of Nowhere`, by Dusty Springfield. For the hick/inbred scene. (See provinces.)

9) `Going Down`, by Mel C, although she swears she never did.

10) `I Feel Like a Woman`, by Shania Twain. Don`t we all?!