Welcome back to the world of Andy Stevenson, where life is just one run-in with Murphy's Law after another. Having returned home from his summer vacation in California where he "came out" the hard and hilarious way in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation, Andy heads back to college for his sophomore year in Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord of the Loins.

A chance meeting at a party finds Andy falling for a freshman named Alan. Armed with his two best friends and recently resurfaced sense of sarcasm, Andy prepares to defend his fledgling relationship with the half-Asian and slightly domineering (yet oddly sweet in that playfully sadistic sort of way) Alan by doing battle with the most fearsome ho to come along since…since…all previous fearsome hos: The Lord of the Loins!

We caught up with author Kage Alan to find out a whole lot more.

Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord of the Loins is quite a title! How did you come up with it?
I learned by accident with the previous book that a longer title can be catchy if done effectively. If I’d based the character of Andy on, say, Steven Seagal - if Seagal happened to be gay - I could just as easily have changed the title to Out For Booty or Under Sheets 2: Bark Territory. Andy’s not really like that, though.

As it happened, I popped Army of Darkness into the DVD player one day and I’d forgotten that the credits read “Bruce Campbell Vs. Army of Darkness.” I figured if Bruce Campbell can versus something, so can Andy Stevenson. And, given the right cover, the title would suggest something more comedic than erotic since "Lord of the Loins” could easily be misinterpreted as something my parents would pass out from embarrassment reading.

This book isn’t the start of Andy’s adventures – they began in your earlier book A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation, is that right? Could you give us a bit of background on Andy and what he’s all about?
Correct. I’d spent three and a half years writing a historical book, Honor Unbound, with one of my retired high school teachers and it was a rather depressing story—very emotionally draining. I wanted to lighten up a bit.

In coming up with the story, I remembered taking a five or six day trip to California with my Grandmother between my freshman and sophomore year of college and thought it would be ever so slightly sadistic to put a character in that very same situation, only have lots more go wrong. Andy starts off in an extreme state of denial about himself and it’s made him somewhat caustically sarcastic and unlikeable. 

He’s proud that he was born a dumbass, has since become a smartass and aspires to one day be a wiseass. Fortunately, he meets a very cute cousin-by-marriage-only (named Jordan) during the trip who goes to great lengths to get him to open his eyes and come to terms with a huge amount of baggage. Jordan also tried to get Andy to remove the ol’ chastity belt.

The results are quite unexpected and the Andy who emerges at the end of the book would no longer recognize the Andy at the beginning. Cue the sequel.

So tell us about the latest instalment…
Despite how the title might sound, the book isn’t really about sex. It’s about dating, finding that one person you want to throttle and then finding that one person who wants to throttle you.

Andy returns from his summer trip to California, completes the first semester of his sophomore year and has just come back to school after Christmas break, which is where this book picks up. He and two of his best friends, Ryan and Miss Kim, take a Creative Writing class together and it’s there that they meet a very attractive poet named Tristan. 

Things get complicated, however, when Miss Kim starts meowing thinking Tristan wants to reenact scenes from 9 ½ Weeks with her, Tristan unleashes his own nefarious plans for poor naive Andy, Andy meets the half-Asian and alluring Alan while trying to fend off the tyrannical Tristan, and, finally, Ryan may be faced with his greatest fear…that Aerosmith might possibly one day write a pop song.

It doesn’t get scarier than this! Wait. I mean funnier. It doesn’t get funnier than this.

"If I’d based the character of Andy on, say, Steven Seagal - if Seagal happened to be gay - I could just as easily have changed the title to Out For Booty or Under Sheets 2: Bark Territory. Andy’s not really like that, though."

Is the book autobiographical in any way?
Not so much. I gave the character of Andy my taste in movies and music, the way he reacts to situations and also my sense of sarcasm, but he is not me. Yet, admittedly, he came from me. By that, I mean that I have a wonderful relationship with my parents (they’re delightfully eccentric in their own unique ways and completely loveable), my partner (how he puts up with me sometimes, I’ll never know) and my friends (I’m ever the prankster with them), but I don’t feel I’m an easy person to get to know. I’ve also discovered as I’ve gotten older that I had some major issues to work out concerning my high school years, specifically with my peers.

All of these ingredients went into Andy, then I took all the ugliness from those earlier years and threw it at him. This time, though, I changed the perspective and rewrote my own history. To quote Barry Bostwick’s character Ace Hunter in the film Megaforce, “The good guys always win, even in the 80s.”

Do you have any favourite scenes in the novel?
Pretty much anything featuring the character of Miss Kim. There’s a scene with her and Andy in Tristan’s apartment where each thinks they have the best chance of scoring, so competition gets the better of them. She also has a number of rather colourful ways to describe various people, body parts and situations that were just a scream to write!

There are also a number of small fun scenes between Andy and Alan (who is based on my own partner, Ralph). Their interaction mirrors ours, which helped make those sequences that much easier to write. Ralph and I met over talking about a rare Roxette album, so it was a sweet moment to have Andy and Alan do the same. And then there’s a bit about a Tommy Hilfiger jacket…

So how did it all begin for you? When did you start writing books?
My mother used to read to me all the time when I was growing up, but never the really interesting books. Never the Gay Kama Sutra or anything featuring the artwork of Tom of Finland. It was because of her that I developed my love of reading, which then turned into dabbling in writing, mainly puppet plays throughout grade school. 

This eventually led to short stories and then a longer piece when I was in my senior year of high school. Unfortunately, after reading some of my work, my English teacher informed me that I would never be a writer. I’ve always wanted to tell her what I think of that statement, only friends say I won’t get anything out of picking on someone old, probably senile and possibly incontinent.

I know. The gay Musical gene completely skipped me, but the Bitchy one I got in spades.

When did you first realise you were any good at it?
Tough question [laughs]. I’m still not convinced I’m “any good at it” per se. Most of my college friends assumed I’d be writing science fiction or horror novels…or horrible novels. I never can remember which.

Allow me to say that I’m my own worst critic, so a manuscript doesn’t get submitted until I’m happy with it. Until then, it’s not what I would consider “any good” at all. Beyond that, it’s all subjective depending on who reads it. When feedback is positive and someone thinks it was worth reading, then I suspect I was good at it. If Ralph comes home for a weekend and leaves with a smile on his face, then I know I was good at it [sly grin].

However good any of it is, I don’t believe I’d ever have published anything worthwhile had I not gone to college (Grand Valley State University), met the English tutors who I worked alongside and who also provided a writing support group to each other, learned the tools of the trade from/been guided by my mentor (Dr. Milt Ford), received unending support from my parents and, through Ralph, come to terms with myself. That’s what it took for me to get where I am now, wherever that is. I do feel that I’m getting better with each book, which is a bit of a perk since I plan on doing this for a long while.

"The gay Musical gene completely skipped me, but the Bitchy one I got in spades."

Is it difficult to write a funny book?
You’ve obviously never met my partner, family, friends or co-workers. These are people who make me laugh on a regular basis due to their everyday little quirks. Well, there’s that and I do some incredibly goofy things myself and, as I mentioned, I’m a prankster.

Let me give you an example. A friend of ours ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. Pretty serious stuff, right? I told Ralph I’d handle sending the flowers, so I dialed up a local florist and made our festive choice. “Would you like to include any balloons with that?” she asked.  “Certainly.  Do you have black?” I figured it couldn’t hurt. “You want to send your friend in the hospital a black balloon?” Hmm. “Actually, yes.” This wasn’t going over very well with the florist. “I suppose you want me to write ‘Pray For The Dead’ on it with a white paint maker?” Ah, sarcasm. “Actually, that would be perfect!” A few moments of silence passed. “What do you want the card to say?” This required some thought. “Marianne, constipation is no reason to be in the hospital. Get unplugged soon! Luv, Kage & Ralph.”

Poor Marianne had to hide the card because it took too long to explain to all the doctors and nurses who came into the room that she had pneumonia, not constipation. Apparently there were some questions about the black balloon as well.

With friends like me, who needs enemas?

Are there any specific gay artists that you would say have inspired you?
I never grew up specifically aware of any gay artists. It was the 80s, so aside from Boy George, you couldn’t really tell gay and straight artists apart, at least in Detroit. Plus, back then, I didn’t want to get my ass kicked for mentioning being inspired by a gay artist. It just wasn’t discussed and, being a teenager back then, we couldn’t help but talk. It’s what we did when we weren’t gossiping or whispering behind each other’s backs.

Now, if you were to ask about current gay artists who inspired me, I’d have to say whoever happens to have a legion of fans willing to spend a few dollars or pounds on my books! See? There really is a fine line between being a used car salesman and a bullshit artist.

Were I to take a stab at being serious for a moment, I’d have to say Ellen Degeneres. Why? Here’s someone who risked her achievements to be herself, has remained supremely funny and is embraced by gay and straight audiences alike for her talent, not her sexuality. She makes me laugh and I find laughter inspiring.

Apparently you have an extensive useless knowledge of 80s B-movies and their soundtracks. So come on, what’s your favourite 80s movie? And what’s the essential 80s soundtrack?
I don’t think I could narrow anything down to one movie or soundtrack if I tried. Favourite 80s offbeat films, though, would include Just One Of The Guys, Near Dark, The Sure Thing, Megaforce, The Legend of Billie-Jean, Biggles, Nightflyers, Metalstorm, Spacehunter, Battle Beyond the Stars, The Ice Pirates, Buckaroo Banzai and... The list goes on for quite some time, so I’ll stop there.

Now, soundtracks, hmm.  I’ve always had a soft spot for Hearts of Fire (where else can you hear Rupert Everett sing 'Tainted Love'?), The Lost Boys, 9 ½ Weeks, Savage Streets, Weird Science, American Anthem, Streets of Fire and No Small Affair. Music overall plays a huge part when I’m writing a book. I’m still waiting for that elusive Megaforce soundtrack, though.

Did you have an 80s heartthrob crush?
I told my partner that I was going to be romantic and list him, but then he reminded me of two things: 1) we didn’t know each other in the 80s and 2) when I was 18, he was 13 and a half. That would have been rather illegal and highly inappropriate.

Really thinking back at it, I had perhaps small crushes on Noah Hathaway, Rick Schroeder and even River Phoenix. How 80s is that? I spent most of my teen years immersed in 80s music, though, so that was perhaps my biggest crush. T’Pau (singer Carol Decker is still releasing wonderful new material), Real Life (George Pappas just released a brilliant solo album under the name Alien Skin), Alphaville, OMD, Thompson Twins, Berlin, Corey Hart, Heart, Duran Duran, Robert Palmer, Pseudo Echo, The Motels, Kim Wilde, Inker & Hamilton, Dead Or Alive, Andy Taylor, Animotion, Samantha Fox, The Hooters, Robert Tepper, Glass Tiger, Bryan Adams, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, The Go-Gos, Stacey Q… I spent most of my allowance buying cassettes when I was a teenager. Can you tell?

"Andy doesn’t know half of what he thinks he does and most everyone around him, at least in his mind, is there to annoy him. Maybe I did make Andy more like me than I first thought…"

If your book were to be turned into a movie, who would you want to play Andy?
Hmm. I’ve had a casting session going on in my head for a few months now while I contemplated actually attempting to turn the first book into a screenplay. For Andy, I keep going back to Alex Pettyfer or Connor Paolo. Daniel Logan might even be able to pull it off. They all have the ability to look innocent despite thinking they know better and that would be extremely important in playing Andy. Andy doesn’t know half of what he thinks he does and most everyone around him, at least in his mind, is there to annoy him. Maybe I did make Andy more like me than I first thought…

So what’s next for Kage Alan?
I’m currently three-quarters of the way through writing my fourth book and I’ve already got about a quarter of the fifth one started. Both are comedies and unrelated to A Funny Thing... or Andy Stevenson Vs... Once I’m done with these, though, I’ll get back to finishing the Andy trilogy. In the meantime, I’m neck-deep in promoting the re-release of the first book and, of course, the release of the second book. With a little luck, “Ain’t no power in the ‘verse” can stop me! (Can you name that film?)

I’m also waiting for the new Smile.DK CD release...while anticipating each and every New Release DVD Tuesday. It’s important to have vices.

What else would you like to say?
First, thank you for the opportunity to say “hi”…or “yo” depending on how ghetto I’m feeling at the moment. Next, if anybody would like to know a little bit more about the books, I have a website - www.kagealan.com - that includes a PDF of the first chapter of Andy Stevenson Vs. I also blog regularly at www.myspace.com/kagealan and, unlike Brad Pitt and Angelina, I will write back if e-mailed.

 

Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord of the Loins, by Kage Alan
Published by: Zumaya Publications
Released: 1 June 2008
ASIN: 1934841005

Buy Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord of the Loins online now. You'll save money to put towards Kage Alan's first Andy book, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation.